Introduction

In some of my lessons created for the Social Optics curriculum, I’ve explored empathy and listening as two important human concepts. While seemingly very different, they both intersect at the crossroads of connection; In other words, our relationships. In these lessons, we dive into different listening styles, a concept and skill formed as we continue to utilize them throughout life. One subconcept of listening is empathetic listening. It is instrumental in allowing us to understand how others feel so that we can put ourselves in their shoes, form friendships, and strengthen relationships.

Empathetic Listening

As I was writing this lesson, I was thinking about how much all adults can benefit from learning about empathetic listening. After all, what better way to model a concept that benefits youth by teaching them by example? 

Unfortunately, not many adults have been taught to listen with empathy in mind. Most people are taught to either listen silently to absorb information, or listen in preparation for responding. Both methods can be valuable, but don’t allow a subjective perspective to form naturally. For adults and students, this makes it hard for people to understand their feelings and the feelings of those they are listening to. In an age of stoicism, we must learn where emotion and listening functions in everyday life.

This can be done by looking within ourselves and considering where behaviorist mindsets may be preventing emotion. Statements like “children should be seen but not heard” are examples of generational programming that is impacting our listening. “Silence is golden” is another way curiosity and inquiry is treated like a problem in most societies. When we think about the generational value of silence, it’s no wonder that children and adolescents today do not speak or participate in school.

Listening & Empathy

Ask yourself this question: How do we undo the decades of stifling a child’s inquisitive nature that generational conditioning and trauma has imposed upon all generations?

I believe that we start by listening to children in ways we wished we were listened to in our youth. Whether you are a teacher, parent, grandparent, older sibling, or extended family member, we should all listen to children with empathy. When a child in your life has a bad day at school, it can be hard to deal with their feelings while also regulating your own emotions from a long day at work. But moments like these are where it’s the most important to break out of generational conditioning so that we can really listen when we are needed the most. We cannot continue to blame kids for being needy after a day of overstimulation at school. It is our responsibility to empathize with their situation because we’ve all been there before. As adults, we can regulate our emotions better than kids can, and we should listen to them actively and with empathy to support them in learning to also regulate their emotions. In doing so, we have the power to lay a positive foundation for dialogue with patience and empathy, rather than the monologue that so many of us experienced in our youth.